"What do you really want Andrew?" Honestly I don't think I know right now, and even if I did why do you keep asking me? I always have the same cliche answers for you, "a career that will provide a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction but will also give me options in life, a girlfriend/wife that is loving and trustworthy, the ability to pay off my debt and begin saving money." They are things that are constantly invading and enveloping my thoughts. I know they are things within your power to give, but I can't help to feel they are not things you want me to have quite yet.
I have not trained martial arts in a few months now, it was something that gave me a great deal of confidence and self worth. The more and more pain I was able to endure and persevere through gave me much more than a sense of physical strength and endurance, it gave me something spiritual. It gave me a healthy outlet for negative energy to be forced into something positive at the end of each day. Without training and having that healthy outlet I have found myself slowly dwindling away from my goal and vision of who and where I want to be. I have noticed an increase in drinking, pornography and a decrease in motivation. For some reason these two things have been my personal goto's in times of stress and confusion. After a while I realize these addictions are causing me from persevering and dealing with my problems head on and in a healthy manner. I hit that realization again tonight. I practiced muay thai tonight to help reawaken the fighting spirit within me, I prayed, I reflected, and I sat and listened..............................................."What do you really want Andrew?"
Your openness and honesty is a key thing in what makes you a good person, Sneller. You'll figure out where you need to be. In time, everything you want from life will come... even if it's not what you thought that you wanted or needed, but good things will be there.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragment Rv. It means a lot.
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